Monday, May 28, 2007

Time, as chorus


It has been over a year since my first post and nearly a month since my last. and well, the jig is up, the time has come, the cock has crowed, the clock has struck, the tide is rising, and the sun is setting, its about time i wrote something down. Classes are over, finals are finished, I've spent a year studying in England. I pause here for contemplation. Enter Time, as chorus. wade through memories bound in digital frames lashed loosely together by imprecise language...I've been sitting here for 10 minutes now wondering where i should go from there. I've left myself knee deep in memory, sitting on the edge of the bed slightly baffled, letting my mind wander an hour or more away, trespassing upon the unknown lands of space-time. Saturday afternoon was sunny, or the sun filtered down through the clouds every few minutes and I took off walking. there is a large stone building that can be seen from Anna's kitchen window which from a distance i have always supposed was a castle. Here you may infer that it was not a castle at all. and when i finally got close enough to see the stone towers rising above the small brown town houses i had difficulty getting any closer. the roads i walked down ended in culdisacs and wooden fences and dogs, with English accents, barking behind flimsy wooden gates. a gang of children on bicycles raced around taunting and chasing each other weaving in and out of the houses along the paved footpaths which i also followed. my castle was not 200 yards away when a large metal fence lined with barbed wire stood in my path. a quixotian giant with six arms, each brandishing a razor sharp saber. i ducked down an uncertain path into someones backyard and attempted to circumnavigate the giant. In some roundabout way, following narrow alley streets and turning down shrubbery lined drives i eventually arrived in the parking lot of my castle. Its the 21st century, why shouldn't castles have parking lots? Exactly. no reason why a moat and horses can not be replaced by a steel fence and cars. Of course this all made more sense when I realized that my castle was in fact a Prison. Enter Time, as chorus. a metaphor surfaces on the still lake of consciousness. disillusionment, facade. I've often mentioned the island of claustrophobic geography, prison walls, the city. I've been reading too much philosophy and enjoying 'Orlando' by Virginia Woolf more than may be healthy for my writing. but here there is no turning back. the walk was worth it. Prison or castle, i found a wonderful pet store along the way.

the sun shines through the window as it rises somewhere close to 4:30am, if my half asleep attempt at reading a clock can be trusted. when i awake sometime later, grey clouds hover and rain is threatening a morning walk. an hour later the sun is shinning and then again it looks like rain. am i dwelling on the weather? but it has been light until past nine pm for a few weeks now.

So what have i learned? What great conclusions can be drawn from this experience? What am I feeling? Where am I going? 'Its all very wonderful, terrible, complex, different and good.' i'd like to end it there...but, i'm very glad I came to live and study in england, even if it is only for a short while. i've met a few wonderful people. i've travled extensively (i think so) and i've watched every Seinfeld episode two or three times at least. and i'm not quite ready to leave, but i really look forward to returning to Pennsylvania. so for what its worth. In Conclusion, i'm searching for a job. next week we are visiting Nice, france. Matt Foley says Nice is nice. i must go find out for myself. and then...i have no idea.